I'm ready to explode

For the last couple of weeks I've been very out of it and not sure. I thought maybe it was because Mandy has been going through alot of health issues lately and I just want to take care of her but I can't.

Then I just laid on the couch today thinking about things and I realize I feel like I'm in constant state of repetition. But also a sense of erry similarities. When I was out in Jersey I would deal with people all the time, I would just deal with shit from people without thinking twice. Backstabbing, taking shit, very immature stuff, especially for a bunch of people getting into our 20s. I look back and wonder why I dealt with it all, but I realized I was learning still and I was just in a place where I didn't know any better.

Now I'm in my late 20s, I've grown up. I'm married with a kid, I have very good friends. Why does this stupidity and immaturity always follow me no matter what? I like to stay to myself, I don't want alot of friends for a reason. Whether it be the fact that I want to live my life without drama, or the fact that I don't want to care about stupid shit anymore. I've got so much on my plate on a daily and weekly basis that very few people understand where I'm coming from. It's hard to be a good husband, father, employee, want to get back into shape and want to help out around the house as much as I can.

Why do I have to deal with people who are constantly being so hypocritical about their lives and then look at someone else like whatever they do is shit? I'm so sick of my life being twisted and turned. I'm so sick everything I do and say being picked apart. I'm living MY life like I want to live MY life, I'm so sick and tired of people, especially close friends, making a big fucking deal out of it.

I don't get it! Why do I have to put with it??!?! Why do I need this shit?!?! Why do I do this to myself all the time?!?!

I guarantee this will be read by the main person I'm talking about and then the next time I see him he'll ask me, "who were you talking about?" and he'll name a bunch of people and he'll never guess it's about him. Because it' so into his own world that at times he doesn't care about other people's. He wants to talk to you about everything but when you turn the conversation around and need to vent or just talk about what's on your own, you get this treatment like "who cares about your problems?" I'm so sick of it!!!!

I think I'm going to have to step back a bit. Close my shell a little bit again, I don't want to get stung again. People don't understand why I'm so protective with myself and my life, it's because I've been burned so much that I'm sick of it.

I'm done. I really am.