Normally by 11pm, on any night I would be asleep. Between having a two year old and a very busy schedule during the week, it's very rare I'm up very late unless I'm out and about with friends. Tonight though I'm up. Maybe it's the fact that I took my meds really late today and they are affecting me really late in the night. Maybe it was the pathetic display of a football game that Giants just played. Maybe it's the fact that I always have things on my mind.
It seems like that most of the the next couple of months is pretty busy. Making plans in advance with friends is a very good thing. But wow, between friends, ppvs, tickets to stuff, birthday parties, church stuff, a weekend trip and even I'll throw in football games every weekend till Thanksgiving is pretty booked already. That to me is unreal. I guess that's part of growing up eh? Plan in advance, work around schedules and just make sure you have enough time to see everyone and do everything you want to do. It's hard work.
The other day it was brought to me and asked to me, "Why are you always the one who plans things?". The truth is, I love being the organizer, the guy who sets up bowling nights or karaoke get-togethers or even getting together with some friends for dinner. Also unlike back in the Crew days when I really was the only one planning things and trying to figure out dates, it's not that way anymore. Here's an example of that:
In October, me and Mandy want to do something for Halloween like we did last year. Maybe a karaoke night like we did last year. So I did my research and found three different dates to work with. Then I looked the calendar to see if Matt and Andy are off work. Then I will get in touch with Katie, Matt, Claire, Crystal, Kirby and anyone else that I know would want to come out to see if the date I'm thinking of will work, after already talking to Mandy. Then when I finish figuring that out, I will then talk to Mom about the date, make sure that her and Dad don't already have something that night so they could man the monitors after CJ is in bed. Only then will I send out an invitation on fb with all the info for everyone to see. My name might be on the invite but I'm not the only one planning this. Plus with this one, I want to get the date set sooner than later because it is Halloween themed and it will give people time to get costumes together. It's not as easy as it used to be.
I think some people think it's easy to just do things. While it's awesome to have "built-in babysitters" as some people call them, it's not fair to Mandy's parents to ask them to watch CJ every week. It's not being good parents. Plus there are times that me and Mandy want to have a weekend like this weekend where we just spend time together as a family.
For some reason this stuff has bothered me lately and I'm not even sure why.
Also maybe I'm changing, because things are starting to get to me more often. I'm sick of being made fun of, in a serious matter, I'm sick of having my family and friends get made fun of, in a serious matter. Maybe it's the fact that I finally have some self confidence, and I look at myself a little higher than I used to. Maybe it's because I expect better for people I care about. Maybe it's fact that as I get older, that more I just want to get away from stupid bull shit. I've been saying it for years but I think I'm finally taking it very serious. I rather be a loner with not alot of friends, than deal with stupid shit.
I'm 28 years old. I'm going to be married for five years in February. I have a two year old little boy. My responsibilities are so much different than I ever thought they would be. My mindset it completely different than it's ever been before. I actually give a shit about myself. I don't put anyone or anything else about my family. I am a typical family man, and I'm okay with that.
I have very few friends that understand where I'm coming from. Being a parent changes you. Being a good spouse changes you. It's about them. It's about the three of you. (Or however many people you have in your family.) It's not about going out and drinking. It's not about going out with work people to do stuff. It's not about how many hours you work to get by on bills. When you get to this level, it changes everything. When you are happy at this level, it's like you can't turn back.
I know it seems like I'm being all like a "know-it-all", I'm not. I don't know everything. It's like the Montgomery Gentry song "Lord, I’m learning so much more than back when I knew it all." But when I look at my friends, in crazy relationships, dealing with divorce or just not sure what to do with their lives, I realize I have it so good.
I'm done alot of growing up in this past year. Most of my friends don't even know how much. As life seems like it get harder and crazier, that's when I've realized I've gotten stronger. I've had to. Because I can't let life leave me behind.
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