Change of Attitude

8/6/12
Sometimes you sit and listen to a song you've listened to a thousand times and suddenly hear the hidden meaning in it. For me that song this week was Metalingus by Alter Bridge. As a wrestling fan that song is Edge's theme music and actually my adopted theme song when I work on stuff.

Well if you actually listen to that song it's the attitude I should have adopted a long time ago. That fuck it all attitude. That "Live For The Moment" attitude. The Carpe Diem attitude. The attitude that always gets talked about but then when life gets in the way never get accomplished.

For me personally it's taking advantage of the time around the scheduled stuff. You can't do anything about the work schedules, the daycare or the therapy sessions BUT the important part is doing stuff around it.

It's taking the opportunity for a tickle fight and pool time. It's taking 1,000 pictures and showing off life. It's about not giving a shit what anyone thinks of you or what you like or dislike. It's not having to answer to people for an opinion.

People like to question my sudden change of attitude. It's not as sudden as some may think. I've just grown up. I've developed a two way phone system. I'm taking my personal time more seriously. I don't care about stuff that doesn't affect my family. I'm leaving people alone if they don't want to talk. I stay away from people's lives and problems unless they actually want me involved. I don't judge people on their past, because I don't have the most perfect one myself. Overall I'm more to myself but I've always been a bit of loner, so that shouldn't surprise anyone.

My phone is alot quieter and there's nothing wrong with that.

I think that's all I got.

"Some Men Just Want to Watch the World Burn"

It's taken a while for me to actually sit and process everything that has happened in the last month. I'm not a news watcher by any means.I actually go out of my way to NOT watch the news. I don't need to be depressed all the time and I really don't want the fucked up outside world cluttering my mind. Then it happened...

I was planning on seeing Dark Knight Rises the weekend it came out on Sunday night. Money situations had changed that but that wasn't all. The shooting in Aurora, Colorado happened, I'm not going to spend time going into details because everyone knows them already, but it did hit me hard. I try to keep a hard exterior mainly because I don't want people worrying about me, but that really got to me.

This weekend I finally got to see Dark Knight Rises. Well if you've seen it you know how crazy the first 15 minutes are. Well as all the gun fire in the movie is going off, almost subconsciously my eyes roamed the theater and found the extra and then I got back to the screen and back into the movie.

Looking back at that little moment, that wouldn't have happened last month. Going to the movies was suddenly no longer a $10 escape from reality, I got paranoid, despite what I told myself before we got there. Suddenly I wasn't safe anymore in a movie theater, all because of a psychopath in Colorado.

Is no where safe anymore?

That question was tragically answered on Sunday morning when another psycho shot up a church in fucking OAK CREEK!!! For my Jersey friends who don't understand how WI towns work, Oak Creek is literally on the border of the city of Milwaukee. This happened close to when I live and work. It doesn't make sense to me at all.

I'm not sure how I feel anymore about gun control or how affects the country. I just know right now I don't feel safe anywhere, except my own home.

I'm not even sure where I was going with this. I just needed to write my thoughts down.