There aren't many moments in a calendar year that really stand out. Once in a while there's a moment that stands still and makes you super happy. That was Father's Day afternoon for me this year.
This was the first time since CJ was born that I had to work on Father's Day. I had Sundays off for so long that I am still having problems getting usd to getting up every week and going to work.
Mandy had an idea to actually come to work and have lunch with me The three of us. A little family time. Nothing crazy, just pizza on the dock. Well it poured on Saturday night sitting on the docks were not going to work as planned, so i set up a big exercise mat and a blanket I found in my trunk on the floor. Around 12:30, Mandy and CJ showed up.
I'll be honest it was pizza and crazy bread, but it wasn't about the food. It was the three of us on a mat spending time together. To me it was perfect. In a bizzare way it was the perfect family lunch and it made me so happy.For the last week I've been going through alot mentally, questioning whether or not I am a good parent. Hey I'll admit I'm still learning. I know parenting isn't easy, I know he's never going to like me 100% of the time.I seem to fit well in the bad guy role with Mandy playing the good guy.
But through all the yelling and screaming, all the fighting and the brattiness of a soon to be four year old, espeecially with the added fun of autism (for the record, not s a crutch or excuse, but as a fact and reality), I know he loves me. My son does indeed love me.
This full realization came to me on a gym mat on the floor of a warehouse.A rare perfect moment, in a no so perfect life.
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