"Go Where The Puck's Gonna Be"

I have this tendency to sit here and write the same blog post over again. I think alot of people do that. Some are on purpose (themed blogs where you have to find a tie in no matter the topic) but those are usually the big time ones where even though it ends the same way, the story is so good that it never matters. I've never been that good.

For me my blog has become a countdown to my 30th birthday. Nothing wrong with that. I have some awesome blog ideas coming soon in the next week or two. But a few things in the last 48 hours have become totally clear.

(The next couple of things are in here despite Mandy getting sick of my obsessions lately. Just saying.)

First of all, there's a phrase that I've really been trying to get to the true meaning of. "Keep your head up and never chase the puck; go where the puck’s gonna be." Kevin Smith got that from Walter Gretsky and turned it into his mantra. That quote is on my facebook page at the end of a paragraph about the greatness of hockey compared to real life. But to honest I never really looked into the words. Till I actually heard it fully explained by Kevin himself last night.

Now it makes sense. It's not about hockey. It's about life. The way to truly enjoy life. Not just looking at what you've done, look at what you CAN do. Don't sit and say "I don't know if I should do this" and just doing it. Instead of saying, "I want to be" something, just being that person.

Honestly my dreams and what I wanted to be got really shuffled over the years. Over the last six years all my personal dreams came true. I am a husband, a loving one. Do I make mistakes? Yes. Are the perfect couple in other people's eyes? Not really. But for me, she is perfect for me. I am a father, and while we have tempers that clash, I know I'm doing something right. I actually have TWO families that love me and I love them.

But whenever I am what I want to be as far as a career, I don't have an answer anymore. I have been an airport employee for so long, that when that comes to an end, I'm not sure where to go. I have a degree yes but the issue is I don't have the dreams anymore like, "I want to be a web designer" or "I want to be an editor". I kinda just want to make a living and have time for my family.

Maybe at the end of the day, I just want to be a family man. I want to be involved, I want to be there, as often as possible. I actually like this side of the world. I like the fact that I have time for my family.

My other thing lately has been the words "Seize The Day". That song has been a personal favorite for twenty years. Three simple words that when you say them they are very cliche. You are absolutely right.

But think about it this way. What would life be like if you don't strive for those goals? Seize every moment that you have.

I'm going to be 30 and for the last five years I've been trying to tie all the loose ends of my life together. I don't want regrets and issues to haunt me anymore.

So then I could look ahead and seize every oppurnity that is in front of me. Maybe a new job, maybe yet another hockey game, maybe just going out on a date with the most beautiful woman in the world.

The moments might since small and insuffient to everyone else but to me they are HUGE.

That brings to one other thing. Something I'm still learning, especially dealing with CJ's tantrums. If something is small to you, it may not be to someone else.

Even if you are so sick of hearing about it, talking about it, seeing pictures of it or even seeing tweets about it. Sometimes it's little things that helps get through the day.

For me today, Disney made me day by announcing the Newsies Broadway soundtrack is available for preorder. In addition I've been able to listen to two songs in full from the show. That kind of obsession sounds crazy to just about everyone, I'm aware of that. I'm actually surprised I haven't got more harrassed for all my Newsies stuff on fb lately. But it makes me happy at the end of the day and that's all that matters to me.

Where was I going with all this?

Oh yeah now I remember.

Life is short, enjoy it. Seize every moment you have in front of you. Never let anyone put you down, even if they want to. Always do what your heart tells you, esepcially when you have someone who inspires you by your side.

Oh one more thing.

Life happens. When you start concentrating on your current life and doing something with it, people start to get ignored, or it seems like they are just completely out of your life. Well even in the internet era, this happpens. I have alot of friends in Jersey who I barely talk to anymore. As a matter of fact, one just got married over the weekend (Congrats Cira!). Lately I've come to conclusion that it's all part of this thing called life. If you have true friends, they don't go away. If you have true friends, they are there when you are in town to offer a ride, or take a couple of hours out of their lives to go out to dinner. Those are the people that matter. At the end of the day those are the people who never go away. I'm lucky I've got a bunch of those. Most aren't as lucky as me. That being said, when they need me, I'll be here for them as well. We don't have to talk every day, every week, or even every month. But what matters is those times I did talk to them, catch up on life, see how things are. As much as knowing everything about everyone on fb is great, sometimes, most times, those long friend talks are BY FAR the best things in the world.

I think I'm done now.

"Minute by minute, that's how you win it. We will find our way. But let us seize the day."-Newsies (Broadway)

The Road to 30: A Drinking Salute

Well here's a new video presentation. This one doesn't need a massive background or long intro. It's simple enough as it is.

Enjoy!

Being Sentimental

Call me sentimental but as I get to my 30th birthday I'm always thinking back to the past.

Well my mom gave me a project to move our old family videos to DVD. No problem, I'm not doing much right now except looking for work. So to kill the afternoon and keep me from napping, I'm working on this.

Well that being said no be shocked if I share some snapshot and videos from this.

It's one month till my birthday so why not have some fun and put some stuff up so people can celebrate with me.

So those on fb, enjoy the ride and feel free to comment along. It's going to be a crazy next month.

A Family Day Trip

Well yesterday was definitely an adventure. Anyone who is on facebook this morning is probably wondering where those pictures of me and my family came from. Well that's what this entry is about.

First of all, before I hear "why didn't you tell me you were in town?" from any of friends, this was not a trip about you guys. This was a secret trip, not known by many, to surprise my family and spend some much needed time, especially since me and my sister are now getting along again.

#2, I totally left town and went completely quiet on fb, twitter and even my games. The only place was at all updated was foursquare and only one person even caught on to it at all yesterday.

That being said, here's what this entry will contain. I wrote down notes and thoughts in my notebook throughout the day in order, I took pictures and obviously updated foursquare. So that's how I will tell this story. So now presenting, Planes, Trains & Automobiles Part Deux a.k.a. Family Day Trip 2012.

5:13am

Nervousness is the word today.

First of all I haven't flown by myself since November 2005. I went home for Thanksgiving right after I moved here in September.

The other thing is that I'm visiting my family for the first time since November 2010. This is a total surprise appearance so I hope this works.

5:26am

I don't remember the last time I got a seat assigned to me AT the ticket counter.

5:42am

Time to relax. Just me, my podcasts and a Cherry Coke Zero.

6:27am

The inbound at my gate just came in so at least we're not waiting for a plane. Always a good thing. Now I hope we aren't holding for connects or a crew.

7:18am

I like this whole having a ticket thing I was like the fourth one on.

I'm in the emergency row like I like and have a window seat.

While I really need to lose weight, I do not need a fatman seat belt extender! Woot!

I took my badge off so technically I'm not standby anymore so I'm thinking I might take off my sweatshirt and travel in my Ads shirt and be more comfortable and no one will care.

7:35am

Nice! Am early push !! Love it!! Good start to this day!

Also Cliffy is out of my bag and with me. He's been my travel companion for years, almost like a good luck charm. Couldn't imagine this day without him. it's like Mandy traveling without fuzzy pillow.

Time to go. Let's do this!!

7:51am

This might be the earliest I've heard "You may turn on your electronic devices." Awesome! It's too quiet right now.

I realized I forgot the flybucks I got a the Ads game a few weeks ago. Good thing I don't feel like drinking any booze today. Back to magazines catch up.

8:43am

I guess it was smart of me to save podcasts for this trip. The only problem I'm having is not laughing out loud when listening.

It almost feels like I've been up here for ages. I guess it's only been a hour and we'll be there soon. I kinda wanna get there already I still have to take a tram and whatnot before I even get to Rutherford.

One thing that is noticeable is that I really wish Mandy was sitting with me, cuddling with me. Thus is life.

There seems to be some turbulence, shocker, and the flight attendant was checking seat belts and she saw Cliffy with his seat belt and got a chuckle out of that.

Oh I see something other then clouds outside. Yay!!

10:09am

Final descent into Newark. I also have changed my entries to Eastern Time.

Here we go.

12:03pm

Well this is what I get for rushing. I got to Secaucus Junction and stand by Track G instead of H. So  missed my train to Rutherford.

So I go to plan B. Instead of waiting till 12:45, I called Sabrina and she's picking me up. Change up. This is truly going to be Planes, Trains & Automobiles Part Duex.

 

5:25pm

What an afternoon.

I will say it was amazing to see everyone again. It's what I needed.

The facts are it's true you don't realize what you are missing till it's not there and see my family even for a short time was great.

I'm on the way in a car that my folks got me to take me to LGA. There I will write more.

7:04pm (I think)

Well, here I am. LaGuardia Airport, Gate B1.

Again, the flight is wide open so I got another seat in the exit row so it will be a relaxing flight.

Honestly I am confused what time it is. I'm ready to head home. I miss Mandy and CJ but it was great to see everyone.

7:35pm

Ah almighty leg room.

On board ready to go home.

I think I burned my mouth and tongue on the hot chocolate I drank.

At least I have gum and a Coke Zero to cool it off.

Cliffy is on my leg but it looks like the seat next to me is empty so that will be his.

It's time to go already. Sweet!!

7:50pm

As we taxi out I can finally relax enough to express how I feel about today.

Today was needed. I know the people who read this are mostly my friends and they are reading all this and wondering "What the hell? Why didn't you tell me??"

This was, for the first time in a very long time, a family day.

It was about the sound in Sabrina's voice when I called her for a ride. It was about spending the afternoon playing with Sammi, something I NEVER got before. It was about Claudia's reaction when she knew I was just in the other room, "I hear his voice!!" and running and hugging like only Claud could. It was the look on my parents' faces when they saw me outside the school's gym.

I've spent alot of the last month thinking about the past. Well today was about the present and the foreseeable positive future.

For the first time in a long time, another weight is off my shoulder.

Today is what amounts to four and a half hours, my family problems ended, things get back to normal. Life is good once again on the Jersey side of things.

Now if this flight will just take off!!!!

Meaningful Ramblings

There are many days I sit here, listening to a smodcast, music or even just watching wrestling and I wonder what has gone on with my life?

Today is more prominent than normal. In the last 24 hours I've heard and read things that actually hit me harder than normal. It all started when Mandy posted her new blog post up last night.

It hit me. I'm going to be 30. On top of that CJ is going to be 4. FOUR! I am going to have a four year old. How did that happen? In these four years I've learned how to be a better father. He made me grow up finally from a bar guy to a stay at home daddy. My life during the evening till he goes to bed revolves around the Disney channel. Me and Mandy don't have alot of time to ourselves anymore and most of the time we have we are too tired to really enjoy it. But to be honest, I wouldn't want to be any other way.

The other thing that got me was a Kevin Smith smodcast I was listening to yesterday. I know what you are thinking, "why are you listening to Kevin Smith smodcasts?" and "how could something said by him get to you?" Well first off, I love Kevin Smith, dating back to Clerks. I even have one of his books. He's a Jersey boy who made it big but it wasn't till I started listening to his podcasts, or smodcasts, where I gained alot of respect for him as a person. Listening to him talk about life actually inspires me and even though I'm getting older I still believe one day I will do something big. Just one thing.

To get my point though, I was listening to an episode of Jay and Silent Bob Get Old from Edmonton from last year and this is when he explained his love for the Edmonton Oilers. While I enjoy his love for hockey and actually is able to explain how the sport is truly like a religion, he said something that I wrote in my quotes last year. "You have to go where the puck is."

That makes no sense to anyone unless you truly think about it.

Today I was looking through old photos, prepping my next video, and a few things came to mind. First of all, who are some of these people? #2, I look extremely young, and even fatter in 2003/04. And finally, who is that man?

Who is that guy? That's not me right? The guy with the full beard and long hair holding a microphone a basement while the people around here are plastered and probably don't even remember the night. Who is that guy?

Who is this young guy with all these people? Who is the guy that ALWAYS has a beer in his hand? Is NEVER home?

I guess that is me. Back then I walked a fine line between being liked and hated and some called me the ringleader of the crew circus. There's even a video of Tom thanking me for keeping all that together for as many years as we did it.

Sometimes I look back for various reasons, this was just for a silly video presentation. But every time I look back, the older I get, the further away it seems. It's almost like I lived two lives. A few people crossed over from one to the other but it's a different world.

It's like when a TV show has a spin off show. At the beginning it's almost the same, to keep the old audience and hope they follow along. It looks familiar, some characters came over, it has the same star, but everything else is different. The location, the theme song and especially the story. It brings in new people and new adventures. Suddenly it's a different show altogether. By that point some people will turn it off because it's not what it was. Others will stick around. The new audience is all in for the ride.

That's what my life has been like. Pre September 5, 2005, I had one story. Then September 5th, a new one started. The same star, but a new co star. A new location. New characters. Some of the old ones stuck around for a while. Most just went away completely. Now in 2012, it's a completely different cast then it was. Every year it seems to change. Some old cast members would make an appearance here or there but at the end of the day they are there only once in a while, almost like for a ratings bump, but then they go away and everything goes back to normal.

It's like in the WWE right now. The WWE brought back The Rock for WM this year to face John Cena. It was all just for a ratings pop and PPV buys. When it's all said and done, he'll go away. When he does then the show will go back to normal, the fans that came in to see him will go away again.

The closer  get to 30, the most I realize I don't need the "guest stars" anymore. Once in a while it's good to talk to an old friend, or even go out to lunch with them. But when the dust and I need someone to talk to, who's going to be there? The ones who just wanted to see me because they were bored and wanted to reminisce or the ones who have always been there. The "regular cast" as it is.

(Wow I just realized if I thought about that metaphor earlier that could have been a whole blog on it's own. Oh well. I'm on a roll. This is why I like to blog live.)

That being said, as I get to 30, my stories, my videos and everything in between will actually be therapy and closure. Much needed closure.

My life is so much different compared to what I expected it to be. But at the end of the day what's the point of looking back? I tried that. For a while all I did was look back. Fuck if I know why? The past is the fuckin past. I'm not that man anymore.

The more I think about it, there's a Tim McGraw song that is perfect for how I'm feeling right now that will make this whole ramble session I wrote make sense.

So I will leave you with it. Thank you for reading, I hope any of this made sense. It sure made me feel better.

On the Road to 30...

Did anyone actually think I was going turn going to turn 30 quietly? Of course not.

It's 44 days till my birthday. Crazy thought. That being said, with the free time I currently have, I'm filled with ideas and am searching for different ways to express my feelings on life, past and present. This is what I will be doing for the next month and a half.

It started with the video I made for my airline friends, you can see that in this post.

After that, I went to work my anniversary present for Mandy. I haven't sat and worked really hard on a big project.

After that video, and Mandy loved it, I felt I could get into a groove again. But then we had a busy February.

Once the page turned on the month I wanted to do something kinda big. Then I started watching some old Kevin Smith Q&A DVDs and used them as background noise while I was cleaning. Well as the ed of Too Fat For 40 he said something that has stuck in my brain, "If you don't celebrate yourself, no one else will."

That being said, while I'm still putting party plans together, I decided in order to truly celebrate me turning 30, I need to celebrate my life, past and present, before I can concentrate on the future.

So yesterday I went to lunch with a old friend Kirby, someone who I haven't seen or heard from in over a year or so. Our lives have parted and gone in seperate directions. But he's going into the Army in April, and since I can't goto his goodbye party, we decided to do lunch and catch up and just hang out. After that lunch, I got in the car and I thought after friendship.

There's been alot of talk about how good friendships truly are. Well that's what inspired my newest video today.

This video is a shoutout, a tribute and a fuck you all in one. This is me addressing issues without actually saying a word. This is me being honest and open. This is me using what could one day be an anthem and telling a real story.

And that is step one of my road to my birthday. This is me opening up to a place I haven't been in a long time.

For the first time in a long time I'm fully inspired so expect this rollercoaster of emotions in the only way I truly know how.

The Best of February 2012

Earlier in the month I said that it was going to be busy. I figured now that it's the start of another busy month, I'd post some pictures of all the craziness. Enjoy.

2/10/12
Blake and Kyle at the Ads Game

Picture 1: The Badger Band

Picture 2: Me, Erik and Scotty

Picture 3: Kyle, Scotty and Me

2/11/12
Me and Mandy's Anniversary

2/12/12
Me, CJ, Kyle and Dad at the Ads Game

Picture 1: Dad and the Wrestling Legends

Picture 2: CJ taking Dad and Kyle's picture

Picture 3: Me and CJ

2/14/12
CJ at the Penfield Valentine's Making "Party"

2/15/12
Mandy on The Morning Blend

2/21/12
Mardi Gras at Tippe

2/26/12
Me & CJ at the Ads Game