Maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me lately. Maybe it's because I've been in weird state of mind wth my 30th birthday around the corner. (I know age is just a number but it's still a number that freaks me a bit.)
Lately I've been either trying to get in touch with some old friends in my phone, some recent people whom I thought were real friends that I used to work with, or people who I've known for years in Jersey. At times I find myself texting them and then they don't answer at all. Or thinking "I haven't talked to said person in a long while" and then I goto text that person and I think "well maybe there's a reason they haven't tried to talk to me. Maybe they are too busy. Maybe I'm not worth talking to."
I know life makes things harder and friendships mostly suffer from that. (Hence the lack of friends I have around here.) I also know that very few people really want to put up with me having a ridiculous work schedule, time restricitions because I have stuff to do with Cristian. Someone at work said to me the other, for someone who only has a part time job, you're always saying you are busy. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's the fact that I don't update my fb or twitter as much as I used to so it seems like I'm too busy to talk.
I'm also getting sick of being the one that reaches out. I know everyone has lives. Jobs, planning weddings, kids, other plans. But real friendships are a two way street. Sometimes I just want someone to miss me. Sometimes I want to look at my phone and see a message from someone who I haven't heard from in a long time. Someone to ask what's wrong with me during the day when I post that I'm having a bad day. Someone to just check in.
Maybe I'm overthinking things. Maybe I'm just lonely. Maybe this is what is bothering me lately.
Maybe this is just life and I should just shutup and deal with it.
I'm just having my issues and I wanted to share some.
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