Always a Dreamer

"A man has dreams of walking with giants, to carve his niche in the edifice of time." (Mary Poppins)

Much like most people I've been a dreamer my whole life. My life has been a roller coaster since high school but sometimes before all that I had dreams.

• Originally I wanted to be a doctor. Don't even know why. It was the thing to do. It was a good job and money. I also wasn't even in high school yet.
• I've always wanted to write a screenplay. Like actually write a full movie or tv pilot screenplay, send it out and hope that it would take off. Call that the Dawson's Creek dream.
• Then I got into TV production and I wanted to make a documentary. Something impactful. Something that means something and stand out. Put some music behind it, edit it and publish it. Maybe win an award and then say that I did it.

Then came the Crew era. I never made it through school. I decided, for some reason, that partying and drinking with friends was more important than an education. I don't know what happened to me. For about four years I made some stupid decisions and with every one of those, I stepped further back. I didn't have the guidance I needed and when I was given it I wasn't listening. I put my dreams on the backburner and didn't even realize it.

"Back when the world was flat and Mom and Daddy didn’t have a clue. That was back. Back when a pitcher of beer and a couple shots made me bulletproof. Back when “God” was a name I used in vain to get a point across when I got ticked off. Lord, I’m learning so much more than back when I knew it all."-Montgomery Gentry

I've heard somewhere that love does crazy things to someone. Makes you do stuff that you didn't think was possible. Or was totally possible but left your mind years ago so you think it's not possible.

As you can see above I never mentioned anything about getting married or starting a family. It was never even on my mind. For a long time I was always a loner. Yeah I fell in love, broke a heart here and there and had my heart broken. But when it came to the future it was never even in the cards. Never thought about it at all.

That all changed by one smile in the airport in February 2005. That's when everything changed. My dreams changed. My life changed.

I started dreaming about getting married and having a child. Getting a good job, anywhere, just so I could have the money to do stuff. I wanted a family.

Every so often I look back and think what life would have been like if I never met the love of my life. If I was still trying to reach the unreachable unrealistic dreams. If I didn't have my rock at home, the guidance I didn't have growing up.

Do I want to accomplish something that changes everything? Yes.

But I want it to help CJ or Mandy. I want it to help them. I want to help my family.

The rest of the world doesn't matter anymore.

"Sometimes the dreams you come in with, may not be the dreams you leave with." (Rock of Ages)